Speaky Speaker Premium

They handed me this 'Speaky Speaker Premium,' and I thought, 'Oh, good. Another thing to complicate my already complicated life.'

'Premium,' huh? I guess it means it costs more? Because the sound... it's not exactly, 'Could I be listening to a live concert right now?' More like, 'Could I be listening to a dying cat attempting jazz?' It's thin, it's tinny, no oomph. Is it supposed to play music, or just whisper your deepest, darkest secrets? Because it sounds like that. Very private. Or broken.

And the design? It's... black. It's a box. Wow. Revolutionary. I guess they spent all the 'premium' money on the name. It's not an 'Oh. My. God!' kind of speaker. More like an 'Oh. My. God. Is that what I paid for?' kind of speaker.

It's like when you order a fancy coffee, and it just tastes like regular coffee, but you paid five dollars extra for the foam. Is that what this is? Foam?

So, if you want a speaker that's going to blow your mind, or even mildly impress you? This probably isn't it. But if you want a speaker that's... fine, I guess, and makes you question your life choices, then, by all means. Knock yourself out.